Home BDSM Gears How to Spank? Erotic Spanking Guide + Best Spanking Tools

How to Spank? Erotic Spanking Guide + Best Spanking Tools

by Jane Louis
erotic spanking

Spanking itself is quite arousing. It involves one of your biggest sex organs – your skin!

People tend to forget how exciting skin touch can be and they go directly to the genitals during sex and foreplay.

But the fact is your entire body can be sensitive and be a part of your sex life if you use it in the best way.

In this article, I am going to reveal how to spank safelywhere to spank, and the best spanking positions. No matter you are into some gentle play or severe punishment, this is the guide for you! 

What is The Charm of Spanking?

Spanking is the most common BDSM activity and it can be used during foreplay and sex. The act of spanking can be sexually arousing or simply be a punishment or an obedience training.

The intensity of spanking can range from light tapping to severe caning and you may use different types of implements, such as hands, paddles, canes, whips, for different types of sensation and intensity.

You don’t need to be a kinky couple to explore spanking. Maybe you’ve tried involving spanking in sex life but it didn’t go well or it wasn’t quite what you expected. Maybe this is a completely new topic for you but you’re very intrigued to try it.

Either way, I am going to share all my top tips with you, along with the best spanking implements I’ve used.

Why is Spanking Arousing?

As mentioned, spanking is about fully integrating your biggest sex organ – your skin!

You probably already touched and stroked your partner, making them feel more sensitive and tingly. Spanking is just an upgraded version of stroking.

Spanking doesn’t have to be painful and it doesn’t have to be a punishment (of course, you can go into that type of play if that’s what you want). 

Some light taps on the butt can drain the blood to the surface of the skin and make it super sensitive.

ready for spanking

Butt is a pretty awesome thing! It has all these amazing paddings, which enables you to take a good slap.

And the best thing about a butt is that, no matter you’re a guy or a girl, it’s located really close to your genitals.

This means that no matter with light little taps or something a bit more forceful, a shivering vibration will go through your flesh and spread all the way to your genital area, which gives it a subtle, yet pleasant sensation. 

So, spanking is not all about the actual sensation at the contact point, it’s more about these ripples that can be sent through the body.

Another great thing about spanking is the anticipation it can build. Just like your body can feel more sensitive when you are being blindfolded, spanking provides the same kind of arousal.

You don’t really know when the next hit comes – the waiting time is exciting!

Imagine this, you’ve got your partner on all fours, she/he can’t see what you are doing behind them and all she/he can hear is your breath. The atmosphere is so tensed and the butt is so tensed.

The next hit can be in one second, two seconds, or ten seconds. The break between each spank is devastating and that waiting in between can be really quite arousing.

How & Where to Spank? (to get the most pleasure out of it)

1. Communicate Before and During Spanking

The first obstacle most people have are about how to raise up the “spanking” topic.

It sounds dramatic when you imagine yourself saying, “Can you hit me on my butt?” or “Can I hit your butt during sex?”.

However, you should remember that spanking is just an upgraded level of stroking.

It’s a type of sensation play, which can really be exciting and romantic when done in a proper way.

If you want to be a spanker (a giver), make sure your partner understands that it’s not necessarily painful to get spanked and you will stop as soon as she/he feels uncomfortable. 

Safety confirmation plays a big role when you try to convince your partner to try some spanks.

differences bdsm abuse

If you want to be a spankee (a receiver), you must reassure your partner that he’s not being violent with you.

You actually enjoy the process. It also helps if you tell him how much the sting can arouse you.

Your words can easily be justified once he notices that you get wet from getting spanked. Your moist can be the best encouragement.

Either you want to be a spanker or a spankee, you MUST talk to your partner before trying spanking.

You never know what impact that could have on your partner, especially if she/he is the receiver-they could have had a bad experience in the past.

After trying spanking for a few times or even during sex, I suggest to communicate or just give some feedback.

Things like “Oh love, I really like when you did XYZ last time.”, “it’s a bit overwhelming when you spanked XYZ area, but I love it when you spanked ABC area.” or “ I want to hit you a bit stronger next time, is that fine for you to try?”, etc. You and your partner will adjust the pace and intensity during the process.

Also, it’s never a bad idea to just check in every now and then with your partner to make sure that they’re still happy, enjoying themselves. 

If they’d like you to do a bit more gently or a bit more firmly – make sure you explore together.


Image Credit: The Stockroom

After one or few trials, you and your partner may or may not like involving spanking in your bedroom. It’s all fine, the important thing is that you tried it.

I have to say you should try it because most couples end up loving add spanking to their sex life.

So, to conclude, spanking doesn’t need to be half as scary as it might sound and with a little bit of communication and explanation, you can fill all the blanks that might be making your partner feel a bit worried.

2. Choose a Safe Word

When practicing BDSM activities like spanking, please do make sure you set up a safe word before you start exploring because you need to be able to know you can stop the spanking activity at any time during the exploration.

Any word can be your safe word, it’s like choosing the nickname for your new puppy.

spank front

Image Credit: The Stockroom

3. Choose the Right Tool (more details in the 2nd half of the article)

Hands are the most common tools when it comes to spanking.

However, if you do want to explore (a bit) more in the spanking field, it’s suggested to try some other tools, such as paddles, floggers, even some hardcore tools like canes and whips.

Beginners are suggested to choose tools that have a broader surface, such as paddles and floggers. These implements create less pain and they are easier to control. 

If you are an advanced player and really want to give a serve punishment or really want to receive some hardcore spank, you may choose tools that are more rigid and have a narrower surface, such as wooden canes and whips.

Canes can create a lot of pain and whips are really hard to control, so, either you are the spanker or the spankee, make sure you are fully prepared and practiced before diving into the hardcore spanking.

I will discuss the tools in more details in the second half of the article. You may jump to that part if you just want information about what tools to choose.

4. Spank the Right Area (Very Important!)

Where should you hit? As a spanker, it’s important to know which part of the butt and thighs you should aim for.

And it’s even more important to know where are the no-go zones.

spank leather paddle

Image Credit: The Stockroom

You should warm up the butt first. By warm-up, I mean making some gentle physical touches – stroking, caressing, pinching, licking, nibbling, all that good stuff can be a part of the warm-up process.

Try to get the blood come to the surface of the skin so that it’s really sensitive. Make that butt in a light pink color and then it’s really for some good spanking.

Basically, the area you should aim for during spanking is the fleshiest parts (aka. The butt cheeks) and you must keep your strokes only on the nicely padded area of the bottom.

You can start by hitting a bit lower down part of the butt and then start coming up.

Avoid upper buttocks where the pelvic bones locate because that can be really unpleasant and may cause some undesired damage to the body.

Another area you can go for is the upper part of the back of the thighs. The pain is sharper and more intense when this area s hit. That’s why spankers aim for the upper thighs more for punishment.

Believe me, you dom will burst into tears after a few harsh canings on that area.

At this point, it’s time to reveal where the SWEET SPOT is! The spot where the spankee can take the most pleasure from – it’s the area is between the top of the leg and the point where the butt begins to curve. 

Spanking there really sends those vibrating ripples straight to the genital area. It feels absolutely amazing! From my years of experience, I confirm that this is a spot that can get your partner super wet.

During spanking, one mistake most spankers tend to make is about aimless smashing the butt checks instead of going all over the place.

By hitting aimlessly, you aren’t really going to get the most out of the spank and also these uncontrolled hits can potentially end up on the no-go zones.

It’s better to have a plan, especially if you are using a tool. You may start by hitting the butt cheeks and generally come to the sweet spot and focus on the sweet spot.

spank paddle

Image Credit: The Stockroom

If you are stroking with an intense tool such as a cane. Make sure your strokes are done parallelly.

If you make a cross mark between strong strokes, it can be really painful and can make your spankee bleed. 

So, unless you both agreed on doing something hardcore. Don’t hit aimlessly and don’t hit many times on one spot.

But anyhow, the magical things about the butt cheeks is that they are really padded. Technically, the spankee won’t get any permanent damage even if you play hardcore spanking.

And for most people who only take light spanks for bedroom fun, the marks and the rosy pink color will disappear quickly.

Summary: basically, you should aim for the best places to begin with spanking –between the top of the butt and above the backs of the knees. Never spank the buttock bones, never spank the front of the body.

Also, avoid the kidney part. And never spank the back at the spine – anything like that- you are really focusing it between the top of the butt there and above the backs of the knees.

5. Apply Aftercare

What is “aftercare”? It is a “coming down” process after the spanking activity. It is also about putting yourself back to real life because spanking or any BDSM activities could be rather emotional and intense.

There are multiple ways you can approach for aftercare.

spank flogger

Image Credit: The Stockroom

The most common way is to communicate about the spanking process after the sex, making sure everything is still well.

Also, if there was an intense spanking process, make sure to apply some lotions (such, aloe vera gel) on your partner’s butt so that it won’t swell after.

Other frequently used ways for aftercare include cuddling, giving verbal praise (e.g. “you did a great way by taking 10 strokes without moving), and reassuring the spankee that what happened just now was just role-play.

Many sex educators claim aftercare is always necessary after a spanking activity. I do agree that aftercare is important in some cases; however, I don’t think it’s that necessary to do aftercare every time.

If there’s only light spanking involved and the spankee obviously was enjoying the process, there’s no need to bring out the topic again.

However, if you are still in the test and trial process or if you just practice a strong spanking session, it’s better to do the aftercare. That can well bond the relationship and make sure the next time will be even better.

(If you would like to learn more about aftercare, you can read this article from “The Art of Submission”)

Spanking Implements (for all level players)

In the spanking world, your spanking implements do matter! Different implements can create different sensation and intensity. 

Besides, some implements are easier to operate while others really require practices and skills to manage.

I will introduce 8 tools, from low to high intensity. These tools cover all levels of player, you can choose what suits you the most.

bdsm spanking drawing

Image credit @melodieperrault

1. Hands

The first spanking tool is …… YOUR HANDS! This is the safest and most common approach. Not only could you save yourself some money but palm spanking is great for beginners.

As a spanker, you can easily control the strength and the physical touch between your hand and your partner’s butt can be extremely arousal.

Besides, for the spankee (esp. for beginners), palm spanking is easier to take as it doesn’t hurt that much.

Also, the sound generated from your palm and your partner’s butt is quite loud and clear, which make the whole atmosphere more exciting.

2. Paddles

A spanking paddle is a great choice if this is your first spanking tool purchase.

And the reason for this is because they’re really easy to control – not only are they quite short but they provide a similar sensation to spanking with your palms.

Many paddles are dual-sided, so you have a couple of sensations to play with.

Spanking paddles come in a number of different styles and designs: some are in a square/rectangle shape, some can have shapes on it and others can be quite round.

No matter which design you get, a paddle always tends to have a fairly broad spanking surface which spreads that sensation across a wider area and makes each spank slightly less intense as long as you don’t spank too hard.

Besides, paddles come in a variety of rigidity: some are firmer than others.

So, I suggest the beginners use a flexible paddle because it can absorb some of the shocks and it reduces the sensation that hits your partner, which makes it easier for the spankee to take.

However, if you are looking some advanced paddles that can cause real pain. Go for the ones made of things like wood and bamboo.

These paddles are completely rigid and take in none of the spanks whatsoever.

This means every bit of impact that a spanker applies to a spankee’s bottom goes into the skin and they feel a full strength of the force.

A good paddle should have a firm and durable handle, preferably also with a wrist loop. 

The waist loop can prevent you from flinging your tool across the room as you’re swinging

♡ Try a Furry Spanking Paddle ♡

This Lovehoney paddle is perfect for beginners - it's well-priced and also in in good quality.

This paddle is dual-sided, one side covered with fur and the other side is leather coated. The dual sides can provide progress sensory play, the furry part is more for teasing while the leather side can sting quite a bit.

The only thing I don’t like this paddle is that the handle part is not that comfortable to hold. It’s a rather minor flaw though.

Furry Spanking Paddle

3. Flogger

A flogger is defined by these multiple tendrils (usu. From 9 to 15 tendrils) which are used to spank the skin.

This toy can be made from a number of different materials, from leather to faux leather to even rubber or silicone or chains.

Either way, the defining factor is that they have a handle and they often have a wrist loop for the same reason as the spanking paddle.

Floggers are fantastic and these multiple tendrils which come out of the handle can provide a very strong sensation.

Floggers can be used to simply tickle the skin. Or you can use it to stroke over sensitive areas or when the time is right, provide some jolly good whipping.

The whips from floggers aren’t very painful, however, it can really turn your butt into pink color, which is hell sexy to look at.

♡ Try a Thick Leather Flogger ♡

This Flogger perfect for those of you who want to become more adventurous with your sex play.

This 20-inch flogger is made from genuine leather and has 48 flat leather fronds to spread the sensation of being whipped.

The leather-wrapped handle and the secure leather loop on this toy make it very comfortable to hold and to control, no matter you are a beginner or an advanced player.

Besides, this high-quality flogger is ideal for teasing and some heavier impact. It’s all about your exploration.

Delux Flogger

♡ Try The Electro-Whip Neon Wand ♡

This silicone Neon Wand accessory combines electrosex and a classic BDSM flogger to create an electrifying erotic experience. 

This is the tech-age flogger of my dreams! At its lower settings it stings in an almost ticklish way, but once the intensity goes up it will test your pain tolerance unlike any flogging before.

Try this Electro Whip and you will have tears of joyful pain!

Electro-Whip Neon Wand by KinkLab

4. Crops

A crop (also referred to as a riding crop) is an incredibly popular tool and it has appeared in popular movies such as fifty shades of grey.

Lots of people have these at home already, you may have used it as part of a costume.

Crops are really special when it comes to spanking. After all, it is what they’re designed for.

A crop is defined by three main parts:

  1. they have a rigid handle for easy grip
  2. they have a flexible spine – very often nowadays this will be made from either a flexible wood or fiberglass (fiberglass can be highly flexible) and
  3. you’ll have some kind of tip. The tip can vary from a broad tongue shape to circle or even heart shapes. It is the tip that provides the actual spanking surface.

Some special types of the crop can be double looped over the tip. These tips are great because they make a lot of noise without a lot of impacts.

Sometimes, you can even find crops that have dual-sided tips. These are great for exploring different kinds of sensations.

To conclude, a crop is a great tool to go for if you and your partner are a bit experienced about spanking now. More precisely, you are in the situation where the sub is a little bit more experienced to receiving pain than the dom is at giving it.

Crops are quite easy to use, just add a little flick of the wrist and it can provide your dom some nice sting. Oh, and you will see the marks really clearly!

♡ Try the Slim Leather Riding Crop ♡

This crop is well made and very sturdy and I will suggest it to all advanced players. This riding crop has a very flexible leather tip, which can give a range of sensation. 

The extra-long and flexible stem is superb and the stem alone can even be used as a cane for extra sensation. The handle is made of wood, which makes the whole design look very neat.

Bondage Boutique Slim Leather Riding Crop

5. Tawses

A tawse usually features a rigid handle for a super easy grip. Like many of the others, you’ll also find waist loop on the tawse to stop you flinging it.  

More important, a tawse also has a leather or a faux leather spanking surface that is split into two or more separate impact.

This is a good tool for advanced spankers because it provides quite an intense sensation.

Not only does the flexible leather or faux leather tip wrap around your receiving partner’s body to provide maximum contact, but the fact that the actual spanking service is split into two or more tendrils makes each individual line hit with quite a lot of intensity

♡ Try a Traditional English Tawse ♡

This hand-crafted tawse has a rich, rusted-brown and black finish with an attractive tooled pattern on the handle. It’s perfect for discipline scenes! 

The 18” slapper’s end is split in two, giving the implement its distinctive sting. This English tawse guarantees an unforgettable sting and the firm handle allows you to have good control over intensity and the location to strike.

English Tawse

6. Canes

If you are aiming for severe pain and a reddened and bruised butt, get a cane!

A cane is designed for advanced players because it provides quite a sharp sting. As mentioned before, the narrower the spanking surface, the more it hurts.

A cane has such a narrow spanking surface that it concentrates every little bit of the spanking into on spot. It can be quite intense for the receiver and this tool can really cause some bruise.

You can find canes made of different materials, some are made from things like wood and bamboo, others are coated in rubber. The more rigid a cane is, the more it hurts.

So, a bamboo-made can hurt a lot more than a rubber coated cane unless the rubber-coated are really heavy and sturdy.

Spanking with a cane can easily cause some bruises and the bruise can stay on the butt for days or even weeks.

So, you and your partner must be aware of this consequence if you choose to go down that route.

♡ Try a Rattan Cane with Suede Handle ♡

This Rattan Cane is a perfect traditional style cane. Rattan is similar to bamboo, only stronger and more flexible.

The nice thing about rattan is that it’s less like to break, compared to bamboo and wood, if you are into hardcore caning.

This cane is expertly straightened and sanded. The handle is covered in an appealing suede.

This rattan cane is designed to give pain and teach discipline! It'll give your dome a simply SENSATIONAL caning session

Rattan Cane

♡ Try This Aluminum Spanking Cane ♡

This Aluminum is for sure a hardcore tool. It’s a cane without compromise!

This tool has a beautiful handcrafted wooden handle. Sprouting from this handle is a high-quality aluminum cylinder that refuses to bend or break!

Yes, this is why I like this cane. Unlike canes made from wood or bamboo, this one can’t break, even with really strong hits! I never need to purchase another new cane after getting this one.

This aluminum cane can truly add a touch of elegant severity to your collection!

Aluminum Cane

7. Belts

Spanking from a belt can hurt as much as a cane. I put belts after canes because it requires more skills from the spanker.

Without a good skill of whipping, the spanker can easily hurt the partner in the no-go area (esp. on the tailbone part).

Compares to a cane, the pain from a belt is more shape, but it less likely to cause bruise as long as you don’t constantly hit the same spot.

Belt spanking is one of the most arousing activity, in my opinion. The sound generated from a hit is really loud and satisfying. Imagine belting your dom while she is giving you a blow job.

Your dom needs to control herself really well in order to give a good blow job while taking the pain from being whipped. If she fails to do a good job, you then have a good reason to punish her with more strokes.

♡ Try The Classic Daddy’s Belt ♡

This slapper has a traditional belt buckle and loop, and 14 steel rivets holding a looped strap together as a handle.

With a clever twist on the classic punishment belt, it guarantees a very firm spanking experience. 

Take a punishment with this belt and you will have welts for days. This belt will teach you how to behave, for sure!

Daddy’s Belt

8. Whips

Whips are most commonly known even by people who are involved in the kinky world. I guess everyone remembers how a whip sounds like from Indiana Jones.

A whip can be long or short and I really don’t suggest using whips unless you are a very experienced spanker. A long whip, such as a bullwhip can be six feet long.

Don’t practice your whipping skills at home, there’s a high risk to break stuff with a whip.

The good news is you can get whips that are shorter, something about 3 feet long. Still, it’s not that easy to control a whip, you’d better practice it outdoor.

How to practice? Perhaps try to take the tips off dandelions or aiming for grass tips.

Basically, you want to be really great at aiming before you get a whip anywhere near your partner’s body.

♡ Try The Faux Snakeskin Whip ♡

This is a very nice little whip, which gives a good and accurate pinpoint control. The whip is around 3 inches long and made of high-quality kangaroo leather.

The handle is very firm to hold. However it’s carried, you can have the decisive sting of discipline ready at a moment’s notice.

bondage boutique faux snakeskin whip

Warning on HTC Sense 7Some Final Words: Many shops sell spanking implements and the price and quality vary quite a lot. I’ve been shopping on big market stores such as Amazon and eBay, however, the products I received tend to have low quality and break easily (some came with low-quality leather smell, some breaks after just a few intense strokes, etc). 

That’s why I only recommend purchasing BDSM toys in reliable and authorized stores, like the ones mentioned in this post. Enjoy! 😃

“I once had an incredible beating that left me reddened, bruised and at times quivering. Thanks to that, I was on cloud nine with multiple orgasms”

-- Lily

“I once spanked a butt crimson red starting with hand spanking and progressing through various toys. When I placed her over a pillow and applied a thick leather strap, she whimpered with each lash as her butt gets redder and redder”

-- Anderson

Where to Shop Spanking Tools?

My favorite BDSM stores are Stockroom and Lovehoney. 

Stockroom is the heaven for BDSM lovers. You can find anything there and all the things I ordered so far are in really good quality. But I do find it being pricy. 

Lovehoney provides quality yet affordable BDSM tool collection. Besides, it offers international shipping (either free or with reasonable fees).

Best Spanking Positions

When talking about spanking, it’s impossible not talking about the spanking positions. I will explain the positions based on my experience (please see the picture below for references).

“On My Back” and “Over The Knee” are the most humiliating ways to be spanked. When spanked over the knee, the spanker shows a lot of authority and the spankee can’t really much except taking all the hits.

This is the most common way to receive light to mild punishment and of course, it can be used for foreplay.

As for “On My Back” position, it’s a lot more intense. This position is used for more severe punishment because you naturally tighten your skins with this position, which make every hit feel more intense.

spank whip

Image Credit: The Stockroom

“Bent Flat”, “Bench Forward” and “Kneeling up” are also quite commonly used. Thanks to the support you can have from the bed/sofa/chair, it’s related easier to balance yourself during the spanking process.

Besides, with these positions, the hitting area is mainly the tip of the butt cheeks, which are the least hurting area.

For the receivers, it’s quite hard to be spanked with “Touching Toes” position. Only experienced sub can maintain this position while being spanked.

The sub needs to apply a great amount of self-control in order not to move too much during the spanking process.

Also, a large area is exposed for spanking (from thigh to butt) with this position, which guarantees some intense stings.

spanking position girl
spanking positions

(Images Credit: Tumbex)

For beginners, I suggest trying with “Over the Knee” and “Bend Flat” positions. 

With these two positions, it’s easy for the spankers to spot where to hit with these two positions while the pain is not too intense for the spankees.

Verdict: Spank and Thank Me Later!

For most of the time, spanking doesn’t have to be painful and it doesn’t have to be a punishment. 

It is an extremely arousing activity that everyone should try during foreplay or sex

The pleasure generated from spanking, for both spanker and spankee, can be intense and satisfying, which may lead your sex life to a totally new level! Enjoy!

signature Jane L

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