9 BDSM Ideas For Long-Distance Relationships

by Jane Louis
long distance bdsm

When a couple decides to try a long-distance relationship, it can be difficult to keep the excitement and passion in their sex lives without a certain amount of creativity.

Being unable to be physically together whenever you want means that a couple will have to experiment with different ways of expressing themselves sexually in order to keep the spark alive.

This is a challenge that long-distance couples in the BDSM community have to overcome as well, and thankfully, it can be fun to come up with creative ideas that strengthen your relationship despite the distance!

There are many different ideas a couple involved in BDSM can experiment with, whether they are new to BDSM or experienced. Nine fun and unique ideas are outlined below.

9 BDSM Ideas For Long-Distance Relationships

1. Make Full Use of Sexting, Videos, and Photos:

When you can't physically be together, technology is your friend. Getting a notification and knowing it might be a sexy photo or video builds excitement, and paired with a message such as "I want to watch you come to this later" can work wonders.

Getting on camera and masturbating together makes the experience feel more real and can make for a memorable experience.

Being skilled at sexting is helpful in a long-distance relationship, and detail and imagination is key to arousing your partner.

Sexting

(Image credit to huck)

The possibilities for sexting are endless, and open up many possibilities for a BDSM relationship.

For example, a dom could text the sub that they have to send them a picture of themselves tied up, and then when they receive the picture they can tell the sub a story of how they would run a feather over their body while they're restrained.

Words are an important tool of love and communication allows couples to keep their relationship alive both sexually and emotionally.

2. Orgasm Control

For some BDSM relationships, orgasm control or denial is a good way to dominate a partner.

With a long-distance relationship, it means partners are able to control each other's orgasms as method of building anticipation.

By telling the sub they aren't allowed to come for a certain amount of time, they are setting them up for a reward or punishment. This power-play is part of the dynamic that drives dominant/submissive relationships.

On the contrary, the dom can also tell the sub to orgasm as much as they can take, which is also a fun power-play and can really spice up a webcam session!

For example, the dom can tell the sub to ride on a sex machine for a certain amount of time and the dom can control the dildo on the sex machine from the distance to full restrain or release orgasm of the sub. Believe me, a remote controllable sex machine is bring too much fun that it's hard to stop!

3. Setting Up Tasks For Your Partner

A fun activity couples in long-distance relationships can try is having the partner who is dominating the other give the submissive partner special sexual tasks to do.

This can have sexy potential consequences for the submissive partner if they fail to complete the task, or rewards if they complete it.

An example of a task a dominant could tell a submissive to do could be to go out without wearing underwear and send them a sneaky picture for proof, with permission to have an orgasm being the reward. 

self spanking

(Image credit to FebruaryLeaf)

If the couple is interested in orgasm denial, the submissive could be given the task of not having an orgasm for a certain period of time, and the punishment for breaking the rule could be that the sub has to spank themselves in a video for the dom.

The only limit is one's own imagination, and the desire for the dom's approval and expectation of reward or punishment helps keep the couple excited!

4. Self Bondage

In some BDSM relationships, bondage is a great tool to exert control or allow yourself to relinquish it, and long-distance relationships are no exception. The tricky part is, of course, that the dom is not physically there to tie up the sub.

That doesn't mean that the sub can't create a tantalizing bondage display to show their dom, and create anticipation for a meetup.

The dom can guide the sub in the process, or they can do it on their own as a surprise.

When practicing bondage, it's very important to take safety into consideration and not attempt anything too difficult for the couple's experience level.

Using soft rope material and learning sturdy knot techniques that are easy to undo is a great way to start.

Researching safe bondage and basic knots is essential to create a safe and sexy experience!

Receiving pictures of a sub tied-up and ready for anything would be a great fantasy for a dom, and hearing about the things the dom would love to do to them in their restraints is very exciting for the sub.

self bondage

Image credit to jackrockhardt

5. Remote Controlled Vibrators 

Technology is always advancing and sexual technology is no different. Nowadays, vibrators can be purchased that connect to smartphones, so the dom can control the vibrator from great distances. This allows for many exciting scenarios.

The Sub could wear the vibrator while out for the day while the dom controls it at-will, meaning the sub will be getting unsuspected vibrations and orgasms to try (maybe unsuccessfully) to keep quiet.

A remote controlled vibrator could also be used during mutual masturbation sessions, to give the couple the opportunity for the dom to be the one giving the orgasms.

This can help give the couple the feeling of a closer sexual experience and the opportunity to physically give each other pleasure. 

There are many different brands of remote controlled vibrators for couples to experiment with, such as Lush 2 by Lovense which is an insertable vibrator with clitoral stimulation that operates with a smartphone app.

Another interesting toy is called We-vibe Moxie, which is an external panty vibrator that can be worn for public play. 

With the technology of today, it has never been easier for a long-distance couple to bring each other pleasure.

long distance sex

An illustration about "how to use app controlled sex toys"

6. Role Playing

Imagination is an important tool in any long-distance relationship, especially in regards to BDSM!

Whether you fancy teacher-student play, maid-master play, police-prisoner play or others, you can always find relevant costumes online or in special shops. 

Learning about your partner's fantasies and bringing yourself into a role-playing headspace can make for an in depth sexual experience and simulate physical closeness

When immersed in role-playing, the experience feels more real. Detail is important, because you want to give your partner an arousing mental image that seems to take them into their fantasy.

Instead of saying, "I tie you up and spank you," say, "Your wrists strain against the rope holding you in place as I bring my hand down on your stinging flesh."

By getting into your partner's mind and building a convincing scene, you can turn your role-playing into a memorable sexual experience for both of you.

bdsm maid

image credit to Muiniu

7. Planning a Meet-up

When in a long-distance relationship, it's important to keep goals in mind. Keeping your next meet up in mind helps build anticipation and keep the relationship exciting.

Building sexual tension is key to having an amazing experience when you get to see each other next, and discussing what you would like to do with each other is a great way to build that tension.

An example of something that could be planned for a meet-up could be that the sub is wearing lingerie that the dom sent them. The dom will undress them and tie them up, and spank them with a cane while they count, and when they're finished the dom will reward them by giving them oral.

Coming up with ideas together helps you to explore your fantasies and get to know each other's expectations for the meet-up.

In any relationship, communicating what you want is very important and planning ahead can help to put you both on the same page, as well as build arousal and excitement.

Knowing you have a date to see your partner and knowing the dirty things they want to do with you is a special feeling, and encourages both partners solidifying the relationship.

8. Sending Gifts

Reward is important in a BDSM relationship, and one way to do this is with gifts. Sending a gift to a sub, such as a collar, lingerie, or something sentimental to remind them of the dom is a good way to show love and appreciation, as well as set up sexy scenarios. 

The sub could be expected to send a picture wearing the new lingerie, or for them to use the new sex toy sent to them during a masturbation session.

There are tons of other BDSM gift ideas as well. My personal favorite is remote controllable vibrators and massage candles. The idea of inserting a vibrator but not knowing when it will be turned on is just too hot. Also, pouring wax on your own body in front of the dom can be extremely sensational. 

Gifts sent as rewards for completing sexual tasks are encouraging, because caring and showing reciprocation is sexy!

Little reminders of affection help keep any relationship alive, and are especially considerate when partners are away and missing each other.

bdsm gift ideas

9. Aftercare is As Important for Long Distance BDSM

In any BDSM relationship, aftercare is a step to never be overlooked and long-distance BDSM relationships are no exception.

Aftercare is making sure that emotions are being looked after and all parties feel safe and taken care of.

While aftercare can including cuddling and physical closeness, this can be tricky for long-distance couples. An idea for long distance couples engaging in BDSM is to have a comfort item for the sub from the dom, such as a stuffed animal or blanket, as a representation of cuddling and closeness.

It's important to provide physical comfort. For example, if you ordered your sub to execute a harsh self-spanking. It could be better if you send your sub some thick cream or massage oil in advance for curing the bruise.

Checking on the sub frequently and making sure they're okay for a little while after the sexual experience is also a very good idea, as someone can say that feel fine afterwards but need a little reassurance later.

Talking about the experience and what everybody liked or disliked and communicating emotions is essential for any BDSM relationship, and partners who feel cared for and safe have happier and healthier relationships.

For example, after a video BDSM practice, don't hang up right after the publishment, talk to your sub to calm him/her down and ensure your sub that love and care is always there for him/her. 

BDSM takes commitment to emotional well-being and safety, and long-distance relationships should always keep aftercare in mind as well.

Other Things to Keep in Mind...

It's important to keep rules, general tips, and safety in mind in any BDSM relationship, and to establish boundaries and safe words.

While safe words may seem unnecessary in a sexting or web cam situation, it's a good practice to be comfortable using your safe word and knowing that you're in control of your situation if anything crosses your boundaries or goes too far for your comfort.

differences bdsm abuse

Safety is very important in bondage situations, and if you're tying yourself up alone, it's a good idea to be in contact with a trusted friend who can come help you if you get stuck! A good dom will put your safety first and be understanding of the precautions you need to take. 

When it comes to a meet-up, you want to be prepared to use safe bondage techniques such as knots that won't interfere with circulation that you've practiced and know how to untie, or proper whipping or caning techniques such as starting slow.

A good general rule for BDSM is that you can start slow and easy before you start spanking harder or trying more advanced techniques.

It's also incredibly important that partners trust each other to respect each other's privacy in regards to pictures/videos/conversations being sent.

If you don't trust that a person will respect your boundaries or fear that they may share your personal information, it's good to go with your intuition and not engage in a relationship with them.

So, let me repeat again. The bottomline is that whether during virtual play or a meet-up, it's vital to discuss boundaries, safe words, and make sure your BDSM practices are safe and consensual.

FINAL WORDS

While being in a long-distance relationship presents its challenges, it is still possible to keep the sexual spark alive with enough imagination and the determination to make it work.

BDSM has such a huge realm of possibilities that it can really spice up a long-distance relationship when practiced safely.

By communicating with each other and exploring each other's fantasies, couples can enjoy BDSM in a long-distance relationship and allow it to bring them closer both physically and emotionally.

signature Jane L

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